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| Maybe I was trying to look cute. I am also currently in rebellion against wearing pants (aside from pajamas). |
If I'm 36 weeks pregnant, what in the world possessed me on Saturday to think I could: 1. take the kids grocery shopping, 2. go to a birthday party, 3. clean the house, 4. go to a church social function, and 5. have a perfect dinner lined up -- all within the span of less than 12 hours???
After accomplishing 1 and 2, I collapsed into a vegetative state (don't worry, figure of speech, nothing medical here). And then, when my patient and understanding husband tried to convince me to stay home for the rest of the day and find some peace and rest, I turned into a weeping mess. I'm notably not unlike my 2-year-old, who gets frustrated and throws a fit when he can't reach the light switch.
I was stubborn for a while. Finally, after about half an hour of being unable to look at Marc without bursting into tears, I caved. I stayed home and we had pizza for dinner. Did I mention we had pizza for lunch at the birthday party? At least the kids were euphoric.
Similar story on Sunday. I was exhausted just from going to church. We have a small group over every Sunday night, and the thought of it was making me hyperventilate -- even though it was our last week hosting for a while and Marc was doing all the prep work.
I calmed down a little when friends arrived and enjoyed their company. And I showed off my expertly crafted nursery.
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| At least my baby girl will have a pretty bed to sleep in -- as long as my boys quit untying the crib bumpers. |
How I'm doing depends on the moment, and how I look at it. Take the nursery, for example. Sometimes it makes me want to cry, and sometimes it makes me want to laugh.
I've even cried because I feel so out of control of myself. You know what I mean?
Fortunately, I have many loving people and even a wise conscience that are all screaming at me: "Slow down! And don't be so hard on yourself!"
So now it's time to WIND DOWN. Things aren't getting any easier.
Obviously this is hard for me. I hate feeling vulnerable and weak (sound familiar?). I know I need to take care of myself, and my little girl. I know I need to find my center in God. I know, I know, I know!!! Will someone please turn my brain off?!!
So I leave you with that mess. It is what it is. Your prayers are much appreciated. I know I'll get through this -- I've done it before, and I have a ton of support. And just so you know I haven't gone completely off the deep end, I'll even throw this in:
The LORD is gracious and righteous;
our God is full of compassion.
The LORD protects the simplehearted;
when I was in great need, he saved me.
Be at rest once more, O my soul,
for the LORD has been good to you.
Psalm 116: 5-7 (NIV 1984)
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Awesome link-ups:
Oh Bless you! I know exactly how you feel. Slowing down is so hard, especially when you know that life is only going to get more hectic in the next few weeks when baby girl joins your family. Hanging in there!
ReplyDeleteThanks for the encouragement, Katherine!
DeleteI'm popping by from My Joy-Filled Life and - oh, sister - I can so relate. I just wrote a post on how I've been meltdowning ALL week. But you are so right, we need to slow down and be kind on ourselves. I think I need to listen to the kind advice that has been given to me, too :)
ReplyDeleteYou're doing so well. I'm a first-timer and I can't imagine what being pregnant is like with children - but that's for next time! Bless you and sending a prayer for you right now!
Thanks Sarah - popping over to your blog now
Deleteoh i LOVE those verses, Gina... "be at rest, oh soul, for the Lord has been good to you..." wow. it's true. when i stop to realize all of the gifts in my life, i tend to calm down. i'm able to breathe. i pray the same for you friend. and btw, you look AMAZING. soak in these last few days with your boys. don't worry about the mess, or the meals. just focus on the boys, and yourself. xo
ReplyDeleteThanks so much Emily, your words mean a lot! Fortunately, no one else seems bothered by the mess except me!
DeleteCongratulations Gina!! Almost there -- hard weeks, but the anticipation is so good!!
ReplyDelete'Be at rest once more, O my soul,
for the LORD has been good to you.'
Taking this with me~thank you for leaving me with this thought!
Rebekah - yeah it's funny, like putting the verse on the Internet is making me think about it more too. It has been helping.
DeleteI feel like distraction is the biggest trick of the Enemy. You know? These feelings that things aren't good enough are so hard for us to bear. But good enough isn't perfect, and that baby isn't going to care if things aren't perfect. By the time I had #4, I was like: Whatever...Welcome home to the mess...You don't need a bed...You'll be sleeping in my arms, anyway...:) God bless you, My Friend.
ReplyDeleteYes Brandee, right on the distraction thing, don't even get me started. It has been my constant companion/nemesis. Oddly, I wasn't so neurotic with my other kids, but for some reason I am with the third. Hopefully I'll get over it.
DeleteLove you! Just breathe, Gina. :)
ReplyDelete